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A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Miracle!

Based on the 1980 US Olympic hockey team's unlikely gold-medal win, back in the days when pro athletes couldn't steal Olympic glory from college athletes. Bound to reinforce our lame revival of "Us vs. Them" ideology, too.

Dad: What's happening to me? This movie made me feel like I was 100% man, but wearing pantyhose! And what's with this salty discharge?

Mom: Those are tears, honey. My therapist says they're a natural part of keeping this marriage alive for the kids' sake.

Sis: Salty discharge? Ewww! Mom, I told you, pineapple doesn't work. It's gotta be kiwi, and lots of it.

Bro: I've never seen guys that like to touch each other so much! I feel a lot better about myself now.

Baby: Rudy! Rudy! Oops, got carried away. It's not just a hockey movie, it's an inspirational movie. Kurt Russell's performance makes up for the night the family made me watch Captain Ron in a dirty diaper. And the hockey player guys are teeth-challenged too, so I can relate.

Verdict: It's like The Little Engine That Could meets Rocky IV, but on ice, and good. See it on the big screen.

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