 |
|
|
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Hillary Clinton |
|
 |
|
| You have come across: Home > Entertainment | March 22nd |
| |
|
 American Midol: Mother Google Makes a BustFeb 11 2004 by Lucky Lani
The American public cannot pleasure itself in private anymore. Mother Google will catch us.Follow me... Imagine there exists a lost episode of Leave It to Beaver. It's an experimental episode, a "coming-of-age" installment, if you will. One that, if aired, would earn the distinct and smarmy "On a very special Leave It to Beaver..." intro. During this "touchy" episode, The Beav is confronted with new and unusual stirrings beneath his high-belted trousers. Frightened - yet irrepressibly curious – he ducks into the family bathroom to investigate further. Cut to Mrs. Cleaver. June is washing breakfast dishes, humming a pretty tune, waiting dutifully for her adoring husband to come home. "La la la, hmmm-hmmm-hmmm," she ditties, when suddenly - CRASH! - she drops a glass. The trembling-lipped homemaker looks down to see blood - gallons and gallons of blood - spraying out of her like a fire hose at a civil rights rally in Jackson, Mississippi. Milliseconds away from an untimely death, she stumbles to the bathroom, clutching onto her blood-soaked dishcloth with her pale yet impeccably-manicured hand. She opens the door. And there's The Beav. Say hello to his little friend! My Fellow Americans, that's exactly what happened to us last week, when Miss Jackson's nipple flash became the most searched for event in the history of the Internet, beating the oh-so-passé phrase "September 11" with embarrassing ease. Mother Google didn't mean to catch us. She was just doing her thing, humming her ditty - collecting phrases like "Britney Spears," "Iraq," and "Teenage Mutant Ninja Porn Stars" - doling out hoards of relevant links like a good little search engine should. It took just one wardrobe malfunction and this normally laissez-faire nation banded together as if the fate of our independence depended on it. One woman's right breast was instantly revealed as the most important news on the planet, sought after by millions, TiVo-ed by nearly as many, and spoofed by countless more. Our priorities as the world's wealthiest people are not universal peace, or combating illiteracy, or sending food to starving people in Africa. They are, in no uncertain terms, a boob. Related Articles American Midol: On Twins, Poofs, and Pirates Jan 28 2004 American Midol: Why Does This Column Exist? Jan 14 2004
|
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |