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| You are drifting somewhere near: Home > Entertainment | October 11th |
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 American Midol: On Gay MarriageMar 10 2004 by Lucky Lani
The situation: we've got socially active, disproportionately intelligent, passionate people insisting it's their right as human beings to be married to someone who shares their sexual organs. The question is begged: why?Marriage is hard freakin' work. It doesn't embrace individuality. It definitely isn't about sex, as any married person will tell you. And, in its most idealized form, it's fashioned after an indissoluble deal with the devil - one that promises to fulfill your wildest dreams, unless you read the fine print. (And few heady-in-love folk do.) Then, as unpleasant particulars begin to rear their ugly heads (serving as designated boil-popper comes to mind), you're supposed to be morally and socially obligated to uphold the marriage contract until your dying breath. Homosexuals can do better than hetero marriage. Few would argue they're endowed with the lion's share of adult creativity, and they certainly know how to throw a good party. Instead of insisting upon an invitation to a stale, prefabricated gig that's more about household chores and flannel sleepwear than wild monkey sex on demand in nothing but a leather G-string, why not take this opportunity to invent a better lifelong bash? I mean, c'mon! Homosexuals can already get domestic partner benefits, legally arrange power of attorney, living wills and estates, and hire people to carry babies, or pay for sperm. So, what exactly do homosexuals think they're missing out on? A tax credit? That indescribable Wal-Mart fashion sense? Countless receptions during which The Chicken Dance, The Macarena, and The Electric Slide are revered beyond what is healthy for an allegedly advanced civilization? Why not secede from a painfully flawed covenant and set higher expectations? Concoct exclusionary holidays! Declare semi-annual casual jaunts with perfect strangers as part of the binding agreement! Buy land in Nevada and create a fabulous, gourmet-catered and color-coordinated paradise! Hetero purgatory should not be the goal. It should be the next infectious disease that no one wants to invite to a perfectly fun orgy. Now, a shout out to all the homosexuals in the house - let's get this party started RIGHT! Related Articles American Midol: The Passion of the Christ, 30 Lives Later Feb 25 2004 American Midol: Mother Google Makes a Bust Feb 11 2004 American Midol: On Twins, Poofs, and Pirates Jan 28 2004 American Midol: Why Does This Column Exist? Jan 14 2004
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