A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Secret Window!

Stephen King laughs all the way to the bank as another one of his short stories is made into a film, this one featuring Johnny Depp and John Turturro.

Dad: Does Johnny Depp think he can make up a bunch of quirky habits and have critics fawning like a bunch of Jonestown acolytes every time?

Mom: He could be dressed like a hobo, carrying a bloody knife and the severed head of Manolo Blahnik, and I'd still be fawning all over him.

Sis: That Turturro guy looks totally like this shoe salesman I met who wanted to take pictures of my feet. But then he wanted to tie my big toes together for the photos, and I was just like, "Don't you touch my pedicure, you f---"

Bro: Is that why you made me put the extra layer of acrylic on your toes today? Well, remember to wash your feet next time - they stink worse than my petrified fecal matter collection.

Baby: It's usually hit or miss with a Stephen King adaptation. This time, it's a little of both. Depp's always fun to watch, but the movie's just got this "been there, slept through that" feeling I get from riding in the car seat everyday. Comforting, with the occasional pothole-like stimulation.

Verdict: Unless you've got cabin fever, wait for the rental.


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