|News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Harry Potter|
|You just spat on: Home > Entertainment||December 5th|
A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...The Punisher!
Apr 16 2004 by Allen VoivodHere's one of the taglines for this vigilante pic: "The Punishment Begins April 16th." For God's sake, they're just asking for trouble.
Dad: I wish I hadn't doubled up on the mood elevators to watch The Whole Ten Yards last week. I needed something to get me through this piece of punishing crap.
Mom: I loved a man like the Punisher once, when I was younger. I thought I was smart to leave him, but now I wonder…I wonder…
Sis: Yeah, it's tragic and all. I mean, how can a hot guy who's vulnerable and muscular be so totally lame? I wanted to cry, it was so awful.
Bro: What's he doing out in the daylight? He only goes out at night in the comics! Hollywood has no respect for anything sacred! They think that just because they put the skull on him, they can mess with everything else. Well they're wrong, I tell you, wrong!
Baby: I never thought I'd say I liked Dolph Lundgren better in anything, but the 1989 Punisher was better. I've eaten more interesting dust bunnies than both versions, but Dolph's turn was still better than this new bit of noise and light.
Verdict: You probably (read: definitely) won't regret skipping it.
A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...The Girl Next Door!
Apr 9 2004A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...The Whole Ten Yards!
Apr 9 2004A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Walking Tall!
Apr 2 2004A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Hellboy!
Apr 2 2004A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Jersey Girl!
Mar 26 2004A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...The Ladykillers!
Mar 26 2004