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| You are standing next to: Home > Entertainment | August 20th |
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 The Ex-Files: Behind the Scenes of the Stamos SplitApr 28 2004 by The Cosmic Detective
I was doing some past life regression work at the edge of the most powerful energy vortex in Sedona when, like a bolt of lightning, she came to me. And then she was gone, ripped from my cosmic loins.Suddenly those loins were on fire. My thighs had inadvertently squeezed my venti Starbucks double-soy-latte-no-foam and the steamy liquid-scalded body parts that now screamed her name - REBECCA ROMIJN-STAMOS! It was then that I knew. Romijn was deleting the hyphen - and the Stamos - from her life. Ex-Files Case #8675309 Code Name: Blackie Two Happy Meals and 3½ tabs of OxyContin later, I found myself on the Red Eye. Rebecca and John were notoriously bi-coastal, but my gut told me to head East. I pounded the pavement, even chatting up Regis in a Park Avenue elevator. He suggested I confer with New York's infamous Shock Jock. Unfortunately, the King of All Media wasn't talking. Something about the FCC breathing down his neck. I spent the rest of the day making cold calls. Still, nothing. It's days like this that'll drive any private dick to drink. And I was no exception. So I phoned a friend. We met at our usual place - the back booth at Sardi's. We knocked back martinis like the good ol' days before Betty Ford. Suddenly a shadow passed over us. I looked up, blinded by utter perfection of...was it really her? Or the combination of cocktails and OxyContin? The truth was, I didn't care. I snuggled into the warm bosom of my new best friend, finding solace in the sharp protrusion of her collar bone against my cheek. The next few days were a blur. I vaguely recall attending a bris for Letterman's baby, skinny dipping with The Donald, and finally, sleeping peacefully. When I awoke, I was on a bench in Central Park. But in my pocket, seven digits that made my heart leap, followed by her name. Rebecca. Maybe I hadn't solved the case, but I'd learned something much more valuable. Supermodel/actresses really are superior human beings, and if you can score their unlisted number, you're not doing so bad yourself. Related Articles The Ex-Files: Behind the Scenes of the Stamos Split Apr 28 2004
The Ex-Files: Investigating the Cruise/Cruz Breakup
Apr 14 2004
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