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The Ex-Files: The Minnie Loves and Losses of a Hollywood Starlet
Jun 23 2004 by The Cosmic DetectiveI'd been spending so much time on the West Coast recently that a certain celeb offered me his ex's house to crash in while she's in Hawaii filming a watery version of The O.C.
Personally, I think he did it as a thank you for keeping their breakup out of my column. Even though it's a dog eat dog world, I'm not above doing a friend a favor. Especially when there's a fantastic Hollywood Hills view involved.
Truth be told, I'm always restless this time of year. The sun shines and everyone's happy. Breakups are literally the last thing on anyone's mind. And so I spend a lot of time poolside. Which was how I discovered I was living next door to a saucy starlet who's named after a Mouse.
After several chance encounters, I had MD on the brain. She's rich, famous, gorgeous, and modestly talented. Yet what is it about her that literally drives men to dump her?
Matt Damon. Harrison Ford. Josh Brolin. You could say it's her choice in men, but no. Two out of three have since settled down with other starlets. And that's when I realized - in a dump-friendly town like Hollywood, some people are constantly getting the ax. And not just MD. Winona. Gwyneth. In their heyday, they got dumped more often than Baby Apple's diaper.
Eventually, my knockout neighbor invited me over for a poolside chat. After a few cocktails, I got up the nerve to ask MD what she thought about the breakup-friendly Hollywood lifestyle.
"What do you expect, dahling?" she asked in her fabulous British accent. "When you're rich and famous, you can have anything you want. Why not want AND have it all?"
As I stumbled home, MD slipped me the number for a certain celeb-friendly doctor who, according to her, could hook me up with "whatevah you need to maintain happiness in Hollywood."
I thanked MD. And moved out the next week. The rich and famous lifestyle might be fabulous, but it's also a prescription for addiction. And one I can only take in small doses.
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Jun 9 2004The Ex-Files: Dorito Girl and the Guy Who's Not Danny or Dick
May 26 2004The Ex-Files: Climbing the Twelve Steps of the Berry/Benet Breakup
May 13 2004The Ex-Files: Behind the Scenes of the Stamos Split
Apr 28 2004The Ex-Files: Investigating the Cruise/Cruz Breakup
Apr 14 2004