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  You don't remotely resemble: Home > EntertainmentApril 18th 

A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Birth!

Has Nicole Kidman really been blessed by the reincarnation of her dead husband in the body of a strange 10-year-old boy? Or is the boy just another one of the billions who want to turn Kidman from a MILF to a MIF? You decide!

Dad: Even with the bad helmet hairdo, Nicole Kidman is just crazy-hot. She's like Chinese water torture hot. She's like Abu Ghraib fluorescent nightstick hot. She's like--

Mom: Look, you're preaching to the choir here, all right? And stop with the bizarre analogies, for Mel's sake. A little light B&D last night and suddenly you're goin' all Story of O on me.

Sis: Don't think that that bathtub scene is gonna convince me to save water by showering with my brother next summer, Mom. I'd rather dry up like Grandma's nostrils when she sits by the fireplace.

Bro: I think this movie might have turned me into a man, and I'm not even sure what that means. And darn it, I thought I had that Denny's maple syrup jar in my other pants...

Baby: Seems director Jonathan Sexy Beast Glazer hit a bit of a sophomore slump. I know a little something about sophomore slumps. I handled the pureed veggies just fine, but when it came to pureed meat, I think I regressed for about a week. And I can't afford a lot of regression at my age.

Verdict: It's still visually interesting, and no, that's not just a lame joke about Nicole Kidman's hotness. Rental.

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