 |
|
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Katie Couric |
|
 |
|
| You accidentally discovered: Home > Entertainment | October 12th |
| |
|
 The Ex-Files: The Low-Down on LohanNov 24 2004 by The Cosmic Detective
First loves are always the hardest to get over. Even when you're young, hot, and loaded. Which is why I observed a moment of silence on my hike through Griffith Park in Los Angeles recently.As I looked out over the expansive city – from the Hollywood sign just above me to the smog-infested downtown area, and in the hazy distance, the beaches, I offered a peaceful prayer for Tinseltown's latest breakup casualty. Poor Lindsay Lohan. She and Wilmer are no more. Between the breakup, the hospitalization, and the restraining order against her father, it hasn't exactly been a good couple of months for the hottie du jour. Or has it? I had to sit down and think about this. Perched on an uncomfortable rock, I reflected back on Lindsay's life in '04. And suddenly, a familiar pattern took shape. String of mediocre but successful teen flicks? Check. Hotly contested breasts? Double check. Choice Hollywood hunk as first boyfriend? Oh heck yeah. Scandal involving health scare/family drama/boy trouble? You got it. First album about to be released? Score! And that's when I started to feel incredibly silly. I didn't need to feel sorry for Lindsay. According to the Hollywood PR cycle, everything was going exactly according to plan. Just ask Britney. Or Paris. Or J-Lo for that matter. What a relief! As I made my way down the hill and back to my rented Scion, I chuckled. And realized there were bigger breakups to fret over. Justin and Cam are possibly off-again. Nick and Jessica are rumored to be on the verge. STILL. And according to the voicemail one of my sources left me while I was enjoying the great outdoors, another celebrity breakup is in the works. I hope I have time to shower and grab a Venti Gingerbread Latte before the investigation begins. Is it wrong that I miss Britney? Related Articles The Ex-Files: The Cosmic Dick Gets Sick Nov 10 2004
The Ex-Files: Another Millionaire Marriage Bites the Dust
Oct 23 2004
The Ex-Files: When Our Favorite Couples Call It Quits
Oct 6 2004
The Ex-Files: Ten Days That (Almost) Changed the World
Sep 22 2004
The Ex-Files: Ditching the Material Girl for Stripperella
Sep 7 2004
The Ex-Files: The Ex-Laker and His Leading Lady Vanish
Aug 18 2004
|
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |