A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events!

Hollywood thinks it can hammer down a 600-page adult book into a two-hour movie, so what does it do when it encounters a series of 150-page children's books? Why, slam three of them into one movie, of course! It's so smart, it's practically stupid!

Dad: Hey! [Pointing at Jim Carrey on-screen] I know that guy! He followed me for years as a kid. But all he wanted was my "jewels," he said. I had no idea what he was talking about, so finally I just kicked his block and tackle up through his rib cage, and that was the last I saw of him.

Mom: "A Series of Unfortunate Events" could be the subtitle of our marriage, honey - and it all started with that picture of you peeing into the wind outside the reception hall. Ah, sweet memories.

Sis: [Snuck out to do her Christmas shopping for the family, which was done at Wal-Mart in twenty minutes for twenty bucks, and then bought sixteen cases of beer from her friend on-shift at the corner gas station. She refused to explain the nature of this purchase to our reporter.]

Bro: I like that Violet girl soooo much, but I'm scared! She could have cooties! She could have the gout! I don't even know what "the gout" is! Or this strange queasy feeling that's not like the time I ate the salted snail!

Baby: Would that I could bite like Sunny. Sigh. Director Brad Siberling did about as good as Chris Columbus did with the first Harry Potter - which is damning with faint praise, of course. Biggest mistake - using first-time director Siberling, who could NEVER contain Carrey, a man who can showboat his way out of a straightjacket. Carrey truly needed to be restrained.

Verdict: Big-screen visuals, rental-level adaptation. Matinee at best.


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