A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Their Movie Reviews for 2004!

So they haven't touched any of the big end-of-year Oscar contenders yet - so what? Those aren't the movies you really care about anyway, unless they'll get you paid some sweet green in the office pool. Here, the Family sounds off on their favorites from all the movies they reviewed in 2004.

Sis: [From her hospital bed in the detox ward, Sis scribbled something on a napkin that looked like Mean Girls - which was also her choice at the Mid-Year Review.]

Mom: Did I really pick Shrek 2 back in July? Have I really been watching nothing but crap since then? Why didn't we get assigned Kinsey, or Sideways, or Kinsey, or Million-Dollar Baby, or please can we go see Kinsey because brainy sex is soooo much hotter than dopey sex?

Bro: It's still Harry Potter 3 for me, even more so because I downloaded a copy of [director Alfonso Cuaron's] A Little Princess since then, and it should have been totally lame, but it rocked even harder than that NWA [expletive deleted] my Uncle Fred gave me for Christmas.

Dad: Aww, your first [expletive deleted], son. I don't know whether to be angry or proud! And I'll back off my Spider-Man 2 selection - though the Gordon Lightfoot montage was sheer genius - to go with Ray, and I think that says a lot about me, because I could've picked Closer, but it only would have been for Natalie Portman, but readers never would have known that--

Baby: All right, already, it's my turn! I haven't seen any of the movies Mom listed, or Finding Neverland for that matter, but I'm happy to be stuck with my mid-year choice - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Dizzying, dazzling, dynamite!

Verdict: And The Passion of the Christ still doesn't make the cut, because it's still a glorified snuff film. Take that, Ann Coulter!


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