A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Alone in the Dark!

Hmmm, Alone in the Dark with Christian Slater - must take place in a strip club's lap dance booth, then. Wait, there's a female demon in it? Well, we're not exactly fans, but it's definitely not nice to talk about Tara Reid that way, now is it?

Sis: Omigod, this movie just isn't scary at all. Good thing - I might snap my nerdy hot boyfriend's arm off if I grab it too tight. I mean, he's cute and all, but come on, they're thinner than Dad's pipe cleaners.

Mom: "Wiry," dear, it's called "wiry." You Dad used to be wiry, and he could tie my ankles to the ceiling fan back then. Ah, those were the days.

Bro: Hey Sis, why hasn't that guy dumped you yet? Does he think you getting spaz-o drunk at New Year's means you'll let him give you cooties someday?

Dad: Co-starring Tara… *snicker*... excuse me, Tara Reid as a... *snorfle*... a ge-ge-genius anthropologist! HAH! [Descended into uncontrollable spasms of laughter, during which his bladder might have lost control, but only just a little bit, though he strenuously denied this to our reporter.]

Baby: This seals it - January is officially the worst month for movies. I'd rather stay home and watch that cheapo Charlie Brown knock off Caillou than watch Christian Slater become a cheap knock off of his old glorious acting self.

Verdict: Oh, hells no.



Need a second opinion? Check out the trailer and a different take on the movie by the eminent and learned Brian Briggs at BBspot.com!

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