A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Hitch!

The latest movie of the Willenium stars the former Prince o' Fresh as a date doctor specializing in the hot-girl/schlubby-guy market, also known as the "TV sitcom niche."

Sis: They're trying to brainwash me again. I refuse to be destined for life with a slob! I’d rather live with a bunch of chinchillas and ferrets like our neighbor, Ms. Shiklitz.

Mom: Don't knock the slobs till you've tried 'em, honey. I learned the "Cowgirl Clincher" from a slob. That move still makes my legs curl up like the Wicked Witch of the East, and that slob eventually became your father.

Bro: If I wanted to get kissed by a girl, all I'd have to do is stand still on the playground, but why?! I mean, not when you could be picking crawly bugs off the soccer field to save them from being trampled.

Dad: How many times have I told you not to mention soccer?! I haven't played soccer since I nailed my own Dad in the undercarriage during practice back in '76. I felt so guilty, I could never play soccer again. And I sealed my fate as an only child!

Baby: David Fincher once told me I've become cynical because I've seen too many movies. I mention it because it would be easy to be cynical about this movie, but darn it all, Will Smith and Kevin James are so likable! Do they come in stuffed animal versions yet?

Verdict: Rental quality, but if you need a Valentine's Day date movie, you won't resent a theater viewing.


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