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  Ex-Files

The Ex-Files: A Protest Letter from The Cosmic Detective

My Dear Friends,

My column is late. Please accept my humblest apologies. And allow me to explain.

I am in mourning. I have not felt this melancholy since Bush was re-elected. I'm not quite sure what to do with my grief.

It all began a few weeks ago when the greatest travesty in reality television occurred. Austin Scarlett was prematurely eliminated from Project Runway. The producers decided to bid him adieu – or dump him, as I see it – in an effort to create drama for the final three contestants. I can see their point. If Austin, Jay, and Kara Saun had been the three designers debuting their line at Fashion Week in New York, things would have been right in the world. And that's just not reality.

No, reality is the snitty, conniving Wendy making it to Fashion Week when she really didn't deserve to be there. Don't get me wrong. I rooted for her in the beginning. A down-on-her-luck forty-something mother who never quite made her dreams come true. This was her last shot at the Big Time. I got it.

But as time passed, Wendy turned into an Omarosa clone - scheming, conniving, and becoming downright ugly. And this Cosmic Dick don't play that.

Was I the only one who noticed the absence of one Austin Scarlett from the final runway show? All the other wannabe designers resurfaced for one last hurrah. Where was Austin? Has he ceremoniously dumped Project Runway in return? Oh, Austin. Say it ain't so. Say it ain't so!

Now that the finale has aired and the lovable Jay, also extremely talented and deserving, has won it all, I am dealt a final, crushing blow.

No more Project Runway.

What's a Cosmic Dick to do?

For now, I'll thank my lucky stars that the evil Wendy didn't win it all. And I'll wear my scarlet armband in support of my beloved Austin until he resurfaces.

Oh Austin. Do hurry! I miss you so.

- CD

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