A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...The Pacifier!

A Disney movie with Vin Diesel as a Navy SEAL babysitting five kids? The best we can think to say in response is to abuse a quote from Luke Skywalker: "Then my Hollywood is truly dead."

Sis: [Preferred staring at the movie theater's popcorn maker for 91 minutes instead: "The oil...so hot and drippy...oh God, I miss Roach Kirkson!"]

Mom: [Preferred staring at her unfortunately fungus-laden toenail for 91 minutes instead: "I wonder if mushrooms could grow outta that thing..."]

Bro: [Preferred staring at his sister for 91 minutes instead: "I wonder what noise she'd make if I doused her with my entire liquefied mushroom collection..."]

Dad: [Preferred staring at his empty box of smuggled-in Fig Newtons: "What are figs, anyway? And why are they so darn gooey-licious?"]

Baby: People forget that Vin Diesel's got some acting chops. Great in Saving Private Ryan, great in Boiler Room, great in Pitch Black. Someday he could be good enough to elevate a clunker like this movie to something memorable. But not yet. This movie's harmless, but if it had gone straight to the Diaper Genie, hey - no great loss.

Verdict: Need a family outing? Bring the kids, a book and a tiny flashlight. Otherwise, no dice.


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