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| You just fell over: Home > Entertainment | October 12th |
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 The Ex-Files: The Sheen of Perfection Fades for Charlie and DeniseMar 9 2005 by The Cosmic Detective
I have a new best friend (Sorry, Pammie, but you NEVER return my calls!). She wishes to remain anonymous, and since she was so kind to her "friends" back in the nineties, I'll oblige. She predicted the Sheen-Richards split from the day they said "I do.""Once a player, always a player," she tells me as we lie on adjacent massage tables at her modest Hollywood Hills home. Apparently this house is not as grand as her digs back in the day, but much nicer than that cell block. My new best friend wrote letters to Martha Stewart throughout the domestic goddess' prison stint. ("The Man doesn't like to see successful business women," she whispers as a butch masseuse digs into her knotted shoulder. "It's so archaic.") I make a mental note to look up archaic later. "So what happened with Charlie and Denise? They looked so happy." "Everybody wants the perfect life. But it's not real. That's why I made so much f***ing money back in the day. Perfection is boring." Speaking of perfection, my new BF and I are lying on massage tables by the pool, getting our imperfections kneaded out of our beautiful Pilates-toned bodies. If I open one eye, I can see my Mojito in its perfect crystal glass on the perfect glass table. A sun-glistened Pool Boy stands a few yards away, cleaning the perfect kidney-shaped pool. It's March and the sun is shining and the breeze is perfect. "Charlie wanted to get clean and sober. He wanted it because he was in trouble. Because his dad was embarrassed. Because Emilio is such a goodie-goodie. But the truth is, he's human. And when everything was perfect – the TV show, the wife, the babies, he realized it was bull****. And he f***ed up. And Denise probably found out. C'es la vie." I'm amazed at my new BF's ability to call it like she sees it. And I hate that our perfect day will have to come to an end. But I've got a column to write. And a word to look up. What was it again? Related Articles The Ex-Files: A Protest Letter from The Cosmic Detective Feb 23 2005
The Ex-Files: The ABCs of Celebrity Splits
Feb 2 2005
The Ex-Files: Deciphering the Pitt Split
Jan 19 2005
The Ex-Files: The Cosmic Dick Gets Busy
Jan 5 2005
The Ex-Files: What I Know For Sure: My Ode to Oprah
Dec 23 2004
The Ex-Files: What's Big in '04? Staying Together
Dec 8 2004
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