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| You are sitting on: Home > Entertainment | August 30th |
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 The Ex-Files: Payne and his Sideways Sweetie Part WaysMar 23 2005 by The Cosmic Detective
I had an epiphany while doing Breath of Fire in the Lotus position. Note to self: that feels good...Wait, the other epiphany. People joke that when your stardom reaches A-List status in Hollywood, you're required to dump your existing significant other and trade up. The truth is, it's not an unwritten rule. It's part of The Contract. How do I know? Because back in the seventies when I had my brush with celebrity due to my wildly successful television show, notorious $1,000-a-week coke habit, and my tabloid-friendly rollercoaster marriage (and subsequent divorce), I vaguely recall signing The Contract. I had forgotten all about it until that fateful Tantric moment in the 90-degree Brentwood yoga studio. From what I can remember, whenever anyone signed up with one of the big three talent agencies or a major studio, in addition to negotiating a salary, hiring a publicist, and being invited to Ryan and Farrah's Friday Night Delight orgies in Topanga, you had to sign The Contract. The terms are vague - when your star begins to fade, they take you into this one room at William Morris and erase your memory. (Where do you think they got that idea in Men in Black?) I guess I thought they did away with The Contract when The First Wives Club threatened to sue Hollywood. But I'm once again reminded that no, it's still very much alive and kicking. Latest case in point? Alexander Payne and Sandra Oh. After toiling away at their craft in B-List anonymity for the last few years, this Tinseltown twosome recently hit it big with their collaborative effort Sideways. And now that an Oscar has been won, and a television series secured, they're parting ways. Go figure. That leaves just one question. What about those celeb couples who stay together, practically thumbing their nose at The Contract? Will & Jada. Tom and Rita. Travolta and Preston. I think there may be a clause in The Contract that allows couples to remain coupled if they donate a percentage of their earnings to the divorce lawyer of their choosing. Related Articles The Ex-Files: The Sheen of Perfection Fades for Charlie and Denise Mar 9 2005
The Ex-Files: A Protest Letter from The Cosmic Detective
Feb 23 2005
The Ex-Files: The ABCs of Celebrity Splits
Feb 2 2005
The Ex-Files: Deciphering the Pitt Split
Jan 19 2005
The Ex-Files: The Cosmic Dick Gets Busy
Jan 5 2005
The Ex-Files: What I Know For Sure: My Ode to Oprah
Dec 23 2004
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