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| You are humming to the tune of: Home > Entertainment | August 20th |
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 American Midol: An Open Apology to "FOJG" – Friends of Josh GrobanMay 9 2005 by Lani Voivod
I owe all Friends of Josh Groban, or "FOJG" – whether you pay the $39.99/year or not – an apology. I let my penchant for hyperbole fuse with my enthusiasm to compliment Beyonce Knowles, losing sight of the collateral damage my words can inflict. To be fair, I did not actually call Mr. Groban a "scraggle-throated hack." I used a silly metaphor intended to underscore Beyonce's performance…But I can see how diehard JG fans may interpret it differently. And sadly, when I remarked that "…kickin' [JG's] sorry pipes to the curb is a notable feat," I meant it as a compliment. My bad. Truth is, I think JG has a sensational voice, and he sure seems like a remarkable fellow. According to JG's website, not only did Nelson Mandela ask JG to be an ambassador (along with Brad Pitt!) for AIDS awareness, but JG also has his own benevolent FOUNDATION, through which he helps "children who have been orphaned by AIDS." Just typing that phrase makes me want to fall to my knees and bawl, repenting for my unworthy existence. So in contrition, allow me to share two of the many insults I received from FOJG. First, there's "Anne M." – who accused me of "learning journalism in the gutter": "What a terrible pity to read somthing [sic] like this. I could be having more fun sticking my head in a crocodile´s [sic] mouth, or jumping around on broken glass." Then, there's the incomparable "E. Pricket": "Your profile shows your location to be DeadBrain US Headquarters, under the Editors [sic] desk. Perhaps you should crawl back under there and write about the dust bunnies, as it seems to appear that you would do better at writing about dirt or someone's old chewing gum stuck on the desk, and not about music." Anne, E., and the rest of you – you're right. I need to express my opinions more carefully. I'm sorry. And to Fans of Barbra Streisand and Celine Dion, you should be ashamed of yourselves. I've dissed those ladies repeatedly, and you've answered with deafening silence. FOJG kick your sorry JELLY!!! Enjoyed this American Midol column? Or diabolically incensed by its uselessness? Either way, you're invited to check out all of Lani Voivod's Midol spasms right here. Wanna sound off on this subject? Send your feedback to comments@deadbrain.com! Related Articles American Midol: An Open Apology to "FOJG" – Friends of Josh Groban May 9 2005
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