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A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith!
May 19 2005 by Allen VoivodDid George Lucas finally get it right? Will he be able to retake his title as the Godfather of Geekdom, or will he be cast down into the Sarlacc Pit of history, leaving Geekdom in a godless turmoil?
Sis: [Fell asleep during opening space battle, woke up in empty theater after the movie ended] So this is how Star Wars ends - with dead-silent geeks who totally don't notice a scantily-clad girl drugged up on allergy medicine unless she's in the movie. [Stomped moodily out of the theater.]
Mom: [After first dialogue exchange between Anakin and Padme] Ugh, it's still awful! If Tom Stoppard couldn't ghostwrite some sense into Lucas, no one can. These love scenes are more wooden than a Louisville Slugger factory. [Stomped moodily out of the theater.]
Bro: [Who wore his slightly too-tight Darth Vader costume from last Halloween to the theater] Slice and dice, slice and dice! Buzz droids, bad droids, blasting lava! Crash landings, mass destruction, fighting Wookies! I AM THE CHOSEN ONE! EN GARDE! [Engaged in mock lightsaber duels with four other patrons departing the theater, three of whom were unarmed.]
Dad: It's still not enough! Please tell me you'll do Episodes 7, 8 and 9, George! And let someone else direct! You promised you would! I've got the poly-bagged back issues of Bantha Tracks to prove it! Lucas! Luuuuuuuuuuucaaaaaaaaassss! [Stomped moodily out of the theater.]
Baby: The question with a Star Wars movie isn't whether you'll see it, it's "How many times will you see it?" See it twice. For all the press about how good it is, you'll be surprised how disinterested you are in the possibility of a third viewing.
Verdict: Final Ranking: Empire, Star Wars, Jedi, Sith, Menace, Clones. If the Wookies had gotten as much screen time in Sith as the Ewoks did in Jedi, maybe things'd be different.
Need a second opinion? Check out the trailer and a different take on the movie by the eminent and learned Brian Briggs at BBspot.com!
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