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| You have been flattened by: Home > Entertainment | October 12th |
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 American Midol: Therapeutic Basket Weaving for All the Twitching Ms. ThirtysomethingsJul 25 2005 by Lani Voivod
I have the best news EVER: I'm not flookin' crazy.Blatant untruth. I'm actually battier that a belfry in Transylvania, but it turns out it's not my fault. This news is music to my ever-cocked, Van Goghgian ear(s). My salvation from Loonyland? A book I'm reading, Midlife Crisis at 30, by thirtysomething overachievers Lia Macko and Kerry Rubin. These gals have plumbed the meta-wombs of female hysteria to confirm the very thing that's been surging within me for the last couple of years: For women in their 20s and 30s, being nuts is not an individual pursuit anymore. It's a generational epidemic. We're the "Perfect Storm" of Sybils, daughters of the bra-burning hellions who delivered immutable diktats like Moses on Phen-Fen. Divorcees piped in, telling us NEVER, under any circumstances, share bank accounts with our husbands. "Find an equal partner, believe in love, even get married…But stash the cash like a Corleone on tax day!" they yowled in harmony. And if that wasn't enough, a third subset of boardroom beauties announced we could have our babies in our 40s. Honest! Which meant plenty of time for multiple degrees, corporate ladders, self-made businesses, world travel, zipless flooks, and even traditional fare, like how to master soufflés, or how to meditate our troubles away. Guess what, Mrs. Baby Boomers? Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Man alive! Were you wrong. I have panic attacks in my Downward Dog. Frying bacon leads to cardiac impairment – NOT cabalistic empowerment. (Sorry Dr. Atkins.) And if I had to manage my emails, my iTunes, AND my own secret bank account without my husband's assistance? I'd be strapped down in a rubber room, burbling to the lilting shrills of Kenny G. for sure. Calling all closet schizos from the X & Y generations – do yourself a favor. See what Lia and Kerry have to say. And buy stock in fish bikes while you're at it. Enjoyed this American Midol column? Or diabolically incensed by its uselessness? Either way, you're invited to check out all of Lani Voivod's Midol spasms right here. Wanna sound off on this subject? Send your feedback to comments@deadbrain.com! Related Articles American Midol: Therapeutic Basket Weaving for All the Twitching Ms. Thirtysomethings Jul 25 2005
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