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Re-Opening "The Ex-Files"
Aug 17 2005 by The Cosmic DetectiveForgive me. I've taken an extended siesta from the triflings of Tinseltown twosomes. A much needed respite from the spite and negativity the media places upon the heartbreak of Hollywood hunks and harlots.
Did I mention I'm writing a lot of poetry these days?
During my hiatus, I've watched the fallout of Brad and Jen, not to mention the mockery of marriage that Brangelina has unleashed. The freak show that is TomKat. And I must confess.
I miss it so!
So I am back, my dear friends. Perhaps not as I once was. No, I doubt I have the energy or discipline of a bi-weekly column. Not with the intense regimen of colonics, rain forest herbs, and hypnotherapy I'm currently undergoing. Not to mention the restraining orders that have been put in place since my final (and regrettable) fall off the wagon at Elton John's post Oscar bash earlier this year. It was not a pretty sight. Pat O'Brien and I made some ridiculously obscene phone calls. Paris, Pam, Lindsay, let me just extend my sincerest apologies and say that a tasteful tropical fruit basket is on its way to each of your doorsteps with my sincerest condolences.
But I digress...
Yes, I am back. I will weigh in when celebrity splits occur. I will continue investigating the minutiae of their breakups and makeups. And I will dutifully report back to you, my dearest friends.
I am incredibly grateful to the fine folks at DeadBrain for their patience, understanding, and partial financial support of my rehab efforts. And a special thanks for Ashton and Demi for your continued friendship during this difficult time. I am truly blessed to have you all in my life. Now, if you'll excuse me. It's time for my deep tissue rub down followed by green tea and lotus flower elixir with Guru Vishnu, my spiritual guide.
The Ex-Files: Payne and his Sideways Sweetie Part Ways
Mar 23 2005The Ex-Files: The Sheen of Perfection Fades for Charlie and Denise
Mar 9 2005The Ex-Files: A Protest Letter from The Cosmic Detective
Feb 23 2005The Ex-Files: The ABCs of Celebrity Splits
Feb 2 2005The Ex-Files: Deciphering the Pitt Split
Jan 19 2005The Ex-Files: The Cosmic Dick Gets Busy
Jan 5 2005