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  You feel threatened by: Home > EntertainmentAugust 20th 
  Homes and Gardens

Ask a Government Decorator! Your Décor Dilemmas Solved

The DHHG Terror Alert: "The witch who flew into the tree" Halloween décor

Once again we present our popular "Ask a Government Decorator," in which an official government decorating expert answers your home décor and remodeling questions.

Dear Government Decorator:
My husband is in love – with an old house! It's about 150 years old, and he wants us to live there while we fix it up. He considers himself to be very handy and wants to do most of the work himself. He says we can add on, and that it will be a good investment and fun. I've never lived in an older house before and don't know what to expect. Any advice?
Signed, Husband Loves Old Houses

Dear Lover of Lover of Old Houses:
FUN?? Do you enjoy taking showers in cold water? Do you enjoy sleeping under the stars – in your own bedroom, because the roof has collapsed? Every year countless numbers of young, trusting women are duped by men such as your husband. Living in a fixer upper is a hard life, filled with endless repairs, inadequate plumbing, and faulty electrical wiring. Your weekends will be consumed by trips to the home center, hours in filthy attic crawl spaces, and visits to the city dump. It will be years before the house is "finished," if ever. Your Christmas presents for the next ten years will be power tools. And most important, you must consider this: how do you look in overalls? You should think long and hard about this decision.

Help is available. If you or someone you know needs assistance, please contact the following organizations for support and information: HEAR (Help Enduring a Remodel), WORTH (Women Opposed to Remodeling The House) and OHLA (Old House Lovers Anonymous).

To submit a question to "Ask a Government Decorator," simply go to www.usgov.dhhg.org/aagd/forms and download form #DHHGAGD208. You must answer all questions and you must include your social security number. You must be a citizen or legal resident of the United States. All questions become the property of the Department of Homeland Homes and Gardens. Filing a false request for decorating advice is punishable under Section 4.8(D)(2) of the Patriot Act.

Like what you're reading here? Check out the new Homeland Homes and Gardens Blog, and join the patriotic fight against the terror of home décor!

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