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American Midol: Wanker, Heal Thyself!
Nov 7 2005 by Lani VoivodI'm being throttled by the self-help movement.
Its hopeless premise and illogical solutions snarf all the energy allocated for my self-improving.
We've been unconditionally screwed up by our parents. Either they loved us too much and did too much for us, or they neglected, bullied, and abused us in the myriad ways parents can. And now it's up to us, the psychologically limping, simpering grownup wankers, to:
But they'd be fools to take me. They've figured out life's fibs and foibles without any of this "enlightened" self-help pucky. And they sure as heck don't want a moping, mumbling, mantra-tized Gen-Xer proselytizing the New Age Glory of the Holy Trinity – Sir Robbins, Dame Oprah, and the Chopra-Canfield-Dyer-Covey-Carnegie-Hill-Peale-McGraw-Gray-Schlessinger Players.
But still – a grownup wanker can dream!
Enjoyed this American Midol column? Or diabolically incensed by its uselessness? Either way, you're invited to check out all of Lani Voivod's Midol spasms right here. Wanna sound off on this subject? Send your feedback to firstname.lastname@example.org!
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