 |
|
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Condoleezza Rice |
|
 |
|
| You are sitting on: Home > Entertainment | October 12th |
| |
|
 The Ex-Files: "Newlyweds" No MoreDec 2 2005 by The Cosmic Detective
I've spent the last few months at this castle near San Luis Obispo. It just kind of happened. I knew someone who knew someone who needed someone to house sit. Or should I say castle sit? So there I was, drinking my Merlot, enjoying a peaceful, blissful day when the migraine of all migraines set in.Mind you, I don't get migraines. At least not since I gave up dairy and red meat ten years ago. But this wasn't a nutritional migraine. No, this was something bigger. Deeper. More profound. As I lay in my dark room, the covers pulled up around me, it came to me. Nick and Jessica were splitting up. Never mind that the rags had been predicting this for months. Never mind that Jessica was seen without her wedding ring on several occasions. Never mind those pesky stories about Nick and some skank in some hotel in some town. Just never mind. Here's what I know for sure, to quote my favorite daytime diva and magazine empress. When you reach a certain level of success in Hollywood, the people you knew before no longer matter. If you're married? Forget it. Your old friends? Gone. Your old house that you once thought was a fabulous castle is now too small. Too simple. Take it from someone who's been there. Back in my heyday? I ditched my friends, my lover, my pickup truck - the best car I ever had. I gave it all up for the beast. And what did it get me? An ulcer the size of Texas. An ego that rivaled George W. And very little satisfaction. So you see, Nick and Jessica, their demise was inevitable. The minute their TV show took off. The moment she became more than just another C-lister who wished for the notoriety of Britney and Christina. That's the price of fame. Some people are willing to pay it. As for me? I prefer to be king of someone else's castle, a mere houseguest in the game of life. No material attachments. No fear of losing it all. Shalom. Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website! Related Articles Re-Opening "The Ex-Files" Aug 17 2005
The Ex-Files: Payne and his Sideways Sweetie Part Ways
Mar 23 2005
The Ex-Files: The Sheen of Perfection Fades for Charlie and Denise
Mar 9 2005
The Ex-Files: A Protest Letter from The Cosmic Detective
Feb 23 2005
The Ex-Files: The ABCs of Celebrity Splits
Feb 2 2005
The Ex-Files: Deciphering the Pitt Split
Jan 19 2005
|
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |