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| You have landed on top of: Home > Entertainment | October 11th |
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 American Midol: Of the Top Three New Year's Resolutions, Which One(s) Will You Shun?Dec 30 2005 by Lani Voivod
Drat. In 2005, I've gained more weight, made less money, and threw more things at walls out of sheer anger and frustration than I ever thought possible. (My husband's mastered the art of the clairsentient "DUCK!") But now, just hours before 2006's new lease is signed, let's figure out which resolutions really matter, and which should snooze until next year. 1. WEIGHT LOSS For me and nearly 60% of the adults in this country, this one bites. I struggle, sweat, binge, hike, curse, eat mounds of lettuce, and remain stuck in a thick, clumpy body that constantly requires new jeans. I'm healthy as a horse – unfortunately I'm fast approaching the size of one, too. Obstacle: I've got a Spousal Summit (featuring the topic of Kid #2) coming up this February on a first-ever Caribbean Cruise. So, is it worth busting my rump over a few (okay, a few dozen) unwanted pounds just to see it all creep back if pregnancy's pending? Verdict? Eh, I've been loathing my lard since 1996. What's one more year? Besides, human sausages are people, too. (And I hear that cruise buffets serve up some deeee-licious crab legs!) 2. FINANCIAL STABILITY Got debt? If you're a typical American (like me), you're up to your crow's feet in it. Enough! Let's ask not what our country can do for us, but what we can do to get more out of our country's socio-economic structure. Where are the opportunities? What are OUR assets? Obstacle: Figuring out a) who's got the deep pockets, and b) how do we pick 'em? Plus, there's the "Rich Dad vs. Poor Dad vs. NO Dad" conundrum. And don't forget the ever-inflating prices of Cable TV. (What a gyp!) Verdict? Whaddaya say we all get rich in 2006? Huh? Who's with me? Woohoo! 3. ENJOY LIFE MORE You know, like learn a new hobby. Socialize more. Say "no!" to nags. Shock your family with a non-medically-enhanced smile. These sort of things. Obstacle: Our own stubborn selves. (Ridiculous, ain't it?) Verdict? Hey – race ya to a more spontaneous, happier, laugh-filled year! C'mon… One-two-three, GO!!!! Enjoyed this American Midol column? Or diabolically incensed by its uselessness? Either way, you're invited to check out all of Lani Voivod's Midol spasms right here. Wanna sound off on this subject? Send your feedback to comments@deadbrain.com! Related Articles American Midol: Ho-Ho-Hey! What About Joseph? Dec 19 2005
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