 |
|
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Ed Helms |
|
 |
|
| You are lounging next to: Home > Entertainment | August 20th |
| |
|
 The Ex-Files: A New Year, A New Hollywood Heartbreak (or Two)Jan 13 2006 by The Cosmic Detective
Some people consider New Years Eve the ultimate party night. I see it as the perfect opportunity to cleanse my colon. Actually, this particular colon cleanse began on New Years Eve but ran (pun intended) into the first week of the New Year. Which is why I retreated to the recesses of Lake Elsinore, California – a once-sleepy town hidden in obscurity by the bright lights and big cities a hundred miles in any direction. A town which now has skyrocketing property values and a real traffic problem. But I digress...After a particularly turbulent year of Hollywood heartbreak, I knew my colon cleanse would be grueling. And so I booked an extra week in the Inland Empire. Somewhere between my tea tree body scrub/rub down and my daily prayer vigil with guru Seeha, it came to me. Clarity. Vision. Light. (Or perhaps that was just the 10-day fast kicking in.) And then the realization. Love in Hollywood had forever changed. Perhaps 2005 had been so tumultuous that things were now permanently off-kilter. Maybe all that Cruise couch jumping and the hangover of a year-long Pitt Split really put Hollywood off its collective love rocker. Not only were the superficial loves not making it. Or the time bombs like Nick and Jessica. Or the PR-hungry hangers-on desperate for a little press (Paris and Paris. Paris and Nicole. Paris and a mirror.). No, Hollywood was getting serious. Taking names. Breaking hearts. For real. Cases in point? Cool couples like Mike Myers and his wife of 12 years Robin. And now Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe. Who's next? Gasp – Tom and Rita? Will and Jada? Kevin and Keira? Say it ain't so! Is this what Hollywood is reduced to? The real loves trying to keep up with the fake Jones's? I shudder to think! If 2005 taught us anything, it's that nothing in Hollywood is sacred except for the PR machine. And my only words of caution for the budding stars and starlets of 2006 is this – be careful what you wish for. For you will surely get it. Enjoyed this edition of The Ex-Files? Or are you annoyed that yet another writer wastes his or her time on the drivel of celebrity culture? Regardless, we invite you to check out previous incarnations of The Ex-Files here.Wanna know more about a particular celebrity split not yet dissected in The Ex-Files? Send your comments to comments@deadbrain.com! Related Articles The Ex-Files: A New Year, A New Hollywood Heartbreak (or Two) Jan 13 2006
The Ex-Files: "Newlyweds" No More
Dec 2 2005
Re-Opening "The Ex-Files"
Aug 17 2005
The Ex-Files: Payne and his Sideways Sweetie Part Ways
Mar 23 2005
The Ex-Files: The Sheen of Perfection Fades for Charlie and Denise
Mar 9 2005
The Ex-Files: A Protest Letter from The Cosmic Detective
Feb 23 2005
|
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |