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| You are misplaced along with: Home > Entertainment | October 11th |
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 American Midol: Vis-à-vis the Show That (Sort of) Inspired This ColumnJan 18 2006 by Lani Voivod
American Idol, baby. It's back on the tube. Ooooohhhh yeah.I admit – I feel like a big dumb loser typing that, knowing that my bubbling excitement is turning my epidermis into broiled mozzarella. It's 8:00pm. The thumping, pulsing intro got me, just as Ryan Seacrest (Ryan Seacrest, for Mel's sake!) gets me every darn year. They play me like a ukulele. The build-up. The young, determined victims splaying themselves, the vultures all too ready to pluck, dissect and gobble without mercy. Am I addicted to the PAIN? The suffering? The insults? I hope not. I sit on my couch and cringe. Wince. Shake my head. My organs hemorrhage for so many of these poor dreamers. I can feel their blood pumpers thumping out of their chests. It's all there in their faces. The guts it takes. The courage they've mustered. Cameras, Critics, 'n Competitors everywhere. A forced sense of Cool, Calm, 'n Collected that's so obviously NOT part of their DNA. And what a difference when an "It" Factor carrier hits the parquet! Raw talent glops like banana pudding. Even the nervous ones get past their personal Simons and hit the first pitch like The Babe himself. Good Yahweh, it's a thing of beauty! But – back to the talentless masses for a sec. Why doesn't anyone stop them from making super turds out of themselves? It's bad enough to fail so publicly, with so little grace and self-awareness. But where are these folks' friends? Family? Patron saints? That's what hurts the most, I think. Just knowing there are heaps and hoards of hoodwinked adults roaming our states without a soul to care about their fates and futures. I mean, I know we hear that parenting isn't what it used to be, and kids get lost in the system, and the "No Child Left Behind" initiative doesn't include kids without cell phones. But to see, to actually SEE these pitiable faces, their forlorn expressions, their hideous wardrobes! It's enough to yak out a uvula! But I can't. Not yet. Not until I see WHO...WILL...BE...THIS...YEAR'S...AMERICAN...IDOL!!! Enjoyed this American Midol column? Or diabolically incensed by its uselessness? Either way, you're invited to check out all of Lani Voivod's Midol spasms right here. Wanna sound off on this subject? Send your feedback to comments@deadbrain.com! Related Articles American Midol: Vis-à-vis the Show That (Sort of) Inspired This Column Jan 18 2006
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