News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Dick Cheney
DeadBrain: Daily news satire, spoof, parody and humor
  You are misplaced along with: Home > EntertainmentOctober 11th 
  American Midol

American Midol: Breaking Up Is Hard to Coup (But She Did It Anyway!)

Are you familiar with Joseph Campbell?

No? Your loss, Chuckie. But since I'm what they call in Turkish Bath circles "A Giver," here's an impossibly abbreviated primer:
  • Archetypes.
  • Religion.
  • Repetitive human themes.
  • Transcendent moral systems.
  • Comparative mythology.
  • FOLLOW YOUR BLISS.
  • And finally, "The Hero's Journey," upon which Star Wars and The Matrix built their striking empires.
Got it?

Well, Mr. Campbell may have covered the standard Genius Philosopher/Rebel Scholar fare (like Love, Death, Spirituality, Being/Non-Being, and Young, Clueless Man-Children Evolving Into Heroes Despite Their Poor Acting Skills), but he left out one experience that leaves bite marks in the butts of every culture, from the Sherpas in the Himalayans to the Sharks on Wall Street.

I'm talking about breaking up.
Operation Splitsville.
Heartbreak Hotel.
Soulmate Slayer 101.
The John Bobbitt Syndrome.
The Curse of Renee Zellweger.

Whatever the particulars, if you're a socially-functioning human with a standard-issue sex drive, breakups are as fated as being trapped in an elevator with a chronic gas passer.

And THAT'S why you must know about the Joseph Campbell of breakups, Ms. Lisa Steadman.

Lisa is the one and only Relationship Journalist™; the undisputed goddess of illuminating for heartbroken wretches everywhere the art of wakin' up, breakin' up, and movin' on.

Identifying a void in this angst-filled schematic, Lisa fashioned a source and destination for folks to dissect their woes, laugh at their flops, or rail against their thoughtless, pigheaded dill weeds (and the bimbos that boffed them).

Intrigued? Go to www.BreakupChronicles.com. Poke around. Submit a current or festering heartbreak of your own. Or just email Lisa and tell her she's doing a darn good job.

Cuz it's a new year, kids, and you just don't know when you might next need Ms. Lisa's carefully-crafted expertise.

Besides, word on the street is she rubs elbows with the mysterious and ultra-connected Cosmic Detective – that larger-than-life phenom who investigates celebrity breakups, in between Costa Rican sojourns and refreshing colonic blasts.

Need one more reason to visit Lisa's site? Sorry to tell ya, but...

Your Ex submitted a story.

Ouch.

(Better retaliate!)


Enjoyed this American Midol column? Or diabolically incensed by its uselessness? Either way, you're invited to check out all of Lani Voivod's Midol spasms right here. Wanna sound off on this subject? Send your feedback to comments@deadbrain.com!

Related Articles
American Midol: Breaking Up Is Hard to Coup (But She Did It Anyway!) American Midol: Lies, Dang Lies, and James Frey American Midol: Vis-ŕ-vis the Show That (Sort of) Inspired This Column American Midol: The Fine-Line Distinction Between Howard Stern and Oprah Winfrey American Midol: Of the Top Three New Year's Resolutions, Which One(s) Will You Shun? American Midol: Ho-Ho-Hey! What About Joseph?



Bookmark | Comment | Print | Send to a friend

 
Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently.Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin