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American Midol: Vote Here & Now for Your One & Only Pop Oscar Winner!

Mar 5 2006 by Lani Voivod

Vote now!

As you know, the vitally prestigious 78th annual Academy Awards is upon us. Soon, we'll know beyond a doubt:

If the Wrangler patch is the new right earring.

If George Clooney's peers prefer him writing, acting, directing, or just plain pranking.

If Jon Stewart can dumb himself down long enough to make a connection with the billion or so yearning and leering masses who prefer a night of two-bit porn and a Chalupatized Gordita to curling up with Variety, The Wall Street Journal, or Thomas Paine's The Age of Reason.

But while the world's SERIOUS ack-tohrs are posing and posturing for those inscrutable, unrelenting pan shots, the OTHER Hollywood playas (the ones that keep us shamefully mesmerized the other 364 days of the year) are banned from the Big Night, left to primp and prep for the invite-only after parties. Poor, pathetic dears!

So I thought it only fair to pay homage to the babes and bubbas of the tabloid circuit by giving YOU a chance to vote for your singular favorite. It was hard to shave down the list of nominees for you, but I did it anyway. Wanna know who was left on the cutting room floor? Here are a few of the castaways:

Eva Longoria
Usher
Lindsay Lohan
Kevin Federline
J.Lo
Simon Cowell
Hilary Duff
Flavor Flav

Told you it was tough!

Okay, now you've seen the cuts. You understand what's at stake here. Rock the vote this-a-way...

See that box up there to the right, the one that says "Vote Now!"? Just check off the entity whose mere mention or image seizes your attention in spite of yourself. You know, the one who gets you sopping up pulp headlines while buying your weekly radicchio and organic nuts medley, or has you straining to catch glimpses of paltry news fillers at the airport bar.

And if you're feeling overly ambitious, send a 25-word-or-less testimonial for your pick to comments@deadbrain.com. If your pitch is exceptionally strong 'n glorious, I'll post it (regardless of the poll results!) in an upcoming column.

All hail the Pop Oscars!

Enjoyed this American Midol column? Or diabolically incensed by its uselessness? Either way, you're invited to check out all of Lani Voivod's Midol spasms right here. Wanna sound off on this subject? Send your feedback to comments@deadbrain.com!

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