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A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews…X-Men: The Last Stand!
May 26 2006 by Allen VoivodHow many wacky mutations can they slap into this one? Like Abnormally Long-Thumbed Man, or The Eighty-Six-Spleened Kid, or Slow-Twitch-Muscle-Fiber Girl, or - okay, I'll stop already! Anyway, mutants, scientists, soldiers, explosions - you get the thinly veiled idea.
Bro: It's all about the homos! Hollywood's trying to give homos superpowers, but the only super thing our gay neighbor ever did was to snake out our septic system after Sis blocked the pipe with a flushed maxi pad.
Sis: You jug-eared idiot, it's all about teenagers. Teenagers are the original mutants. This movie totally gets me, except for the part where I'm supposed to sport form-fitting latex. No one I know does that, except for that other time I walked in on Mom and Dad and got scarred for life.
Dad: You're both wrong. It's about deaf people needing cochlear implants. And my darling daughter, all that matters is whether you're beautiful on the inside, but with all the scars like that latex one, you're starting to look like an emotional horror show.
Mom: No, dear, it's about the Mexicans, and I hope nothing happens with this immigration business. Now that summer's coming, it's time for me to lounge on the deck drinking Cape Codders and watching the buff topless gardeners next door until I get all buzzy and tangy.
Baby: Sis has it nailed - this was based on a comic book series, after all. Comics look a lot like my board books, but my brother won't let me touch his since I drooled on one in awe. Anyway, director Brett Ratner isn't as savvy with this one as previous series director Bryan Singer, and so we get a plain old summer movie instead of something slightly more remarkable.
Verdict: It's still decent - just not as good as the first two. You might feel better about yourself if you see a matinee instead.
Need a second opinion? Check out the trailer and a different take on the movie by the eminent and learned Brian Briggs at BBspot.com!
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