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Latest Forecast: Hot Summer Ahead, Full of Sizzling TV Shows
Summer's around the corner, and you know what that means? It means "get ready," because the streets will soon be filled with fat, sweaty, sun-kissed American men. These men I speak of are trademarked by their low-cut, billowy tank tops, which do little to conceal their man-breasts.
Aside from this street-side peep show, the emergence of summer means one other thing: The TV season is ending, and summer programming awaits! That's right, America's top networks are ready and willing to whore themselves out for the summer.
Summer TV has always been synonymous with poor ratings, so it's usually an outlet for shameless crap-programming. Recently though, networks have realized that those aged 18-49 don't play outside all that much, nor do they make too much crazy mad love against the backdrop of a hot summer night. With that knowledge in hand, TV executives hope to capitalize on the lazy months ahead.
This summer's new shows will closely shadow the regular-season leaders, and there's no greater leader than American Idol. So successful was American Idol that it's led to many other searches for America's Next "Something" (inventors, comics, corporate tools, etc).
TV execs will take the search even further, with some daring options for the summer:- In America's Next Top Brain Surgeon, novice med students will battle for supremacy, as they each take a "stab" at surgical medicine. It'll be up to America to choose their favorite "slicer and dicer," so don't forget to vote at the end of each show!
- In American Hero, participants will vie to "save the day" in a variety of perilous scenarios. In the series opener, contestants will attempt to save dumb, candy-starved children from their windowless-van-driving perpetrators. With any luck, our heroes-in-the-making will save the day, and America's hearts will swoon.
With these two shows set to kick start the season, analysts look forward to a strong summer of television. In societal terms, this will mean a lot more private in-home entertainment, and a lot less public man-breast exposure. I'd call that a win-win.
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