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  You are disappointed to see: Home > EntertainmentOctober 11th 
 

The Health Report: University of California Los Angeles Approves Marijuana Use

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Will this study convince YOU to smoke pot?
It's not like I needed a lot of convincing
You never catch me near that vile weed
Did pot exist in the Stone Age?
With a question like that, you must be stoned
No, man, I'm just...beautiful
HealthDay News and MSNBC report that a study conducted by the highly regarded University of California at Los Angeles proves heavy marijuana use does not cause lung, throat, or any other kind of cancer, causing great surprise even to the researchers.

In spite of their reaction, the University researchers insist the data is solid, causing a roaring outcry from the AMA, the WME and the state of Utah.

Dr. Hiyam Heigh of the WME fired off a blistering four-page article to the New York Times, stating that "the testing involved only a handful of individuals, all near the age of sixty, living in Los Angeles, one of the most toxic cities in the U.S. as far as air quality. This study then took these individuals and tested them against young, healthy, college students from other parts of the world where the air is significantly cleaner.

"These researchers then act surprised when the Los Angeles natives have cancer and the chronic pot smokers from pristine environmental cities do not. This is absurd, and an insulting abuse of scientific research."

The article went on to state that in fact, according to the WME, UCLA is known for not only its students' heavy marijuana use, but 86% of the faculty are also chronic pot heads. The other 14% are merely recreational users of crack cocaine, and have no knowledge of the study. They had very little knowledge of any studies at the college, period.

Dr. Heigh accused the University of promoting marijuana use, even going so far as to suggest that many professors were supplementing their income by growing and selling the illegal substance.

"UCLA is attempting to gain funding and respect under the guise of a cancer study, when in fact they are all drug addicts, and should be called upon to resign immediately," the article concluded.

Dr. Heigh also recommended jail sentences for the researchers, participants, faculty members and their families.

Nobody at UCLA could be woken up to comment.


Something strange is going on inside the White House - does the Weapons of Mass Euphoria Team have the cure, or are they the culprits? Check out the reports from deep inside the WME.



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