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Heather Mills McCartney Suffers Nervous Breakdown After Realizing She Married a "Beatle"
After four stormy years of marriage, the Mills-McCartney union seems to be at an end. A recent news story indicated that Heather Mills McCartney has suffered a minor breakdown, claiming she did not know she was marrying a Beatle, and it was causing her to experience extreme distress.
"A Beetle! I did not know he was a beetle! That shiny black head, that horrible buzzing noise he makes when he's in his studio, how could I not have seen it? He's a beetle, how bloody disgusting! How horrible! I cannot live in the same house as a beetle! I must take my child and leave immediately!"
When friends and family tried to calm her down, explaining that Sir Paul McCartney had once been in a popular band called 'The Beatles,' she covered her ears, shaking her head frantically back and forth.
"No, no, that is rubbish," she howled, beating her hands about her head. "He's a very large beetle, and every day he's approached by people holding out a record for him to sign, and it has three other beetles on the cover, the same shiny heads, the same buzzing sounds on the record! I know, I listened to it! A load of buzzing noise, made by beetles!"
She buried her face in her hands, sobbing. "All of the good work I have done, all of my charity efforts for land mine issues, it will all be forgotten because I made one silly mistake. I married a bug. People will never forget it, now that I want a divorce. They will call me a bug-bag, a larvae digger, a buzz killer, all sorts of dreadful things. You know how people are."
As friends close to Mills continued to try to clarify her confusion on the issue, Mills grew hostile.
"He named our child Beatrice! Bee!! Bee the Beetle! Buzz, buzz, buzz! What part of this is not clear to you, you bloody idiots?" she was last heard shrieking before storming into her lawyers office.
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