News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Fox News
DeadBrain: Daily news satire, spoof, parody and humor
  You just walked into: Home > Guide > AuthorsJanuary 6th 
 

Profile: Michael Gantman

Location

Mysterio, WA

Biography


Summary:
S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse a persona che mai tornasse al mondo, Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse. Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero, Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo. Hypocrite lecteur. Mon semblable, mon frère.

Michael D. Gantman Industrial Industries, Inc. 1982 - Present
CEO (2003 to present)
Receptionist (1982 to 2003)


  • Provide timely feedback and critical analysis during feedback and analysis time.
  • Increased spending by 150 % over the last two quarters. Market response to print and all other media in decline by over 50% since taking on current role.
  • Telephonic and graphic transcription recording specialist. Expert digitalist and certified auditory monologist.
  • Facilitate language augmentation and obfuscation through reference confabulation.
  • Stylus forging project manager and asbestos reductionst.
  • Communications liaison for interpersonal communicationses.
  • Increased conflict avoidance by 10% per annum through self congratulatory effacement and project management denial.
  • Ears lent during recent out of tune singing; event roller for subsequent bus tours. Provided all bagged chocolate cake during trip to Vienna.
  • On site council for post discrimination surveillance. Provide intimate details of all negligence claims. Indictments overturned after evidence disappeared from room 23a. Solid alibi.

    Education:
    Doctoral Candidate, UCLA-Fidel Castro School of Political Dissent, 2004; M.D. Corpus Christi School of Anatomical Theology and Geometry, 2000; Ph.D., Universidad Sombrero de Panama y Shellfish con Pollo, 1997; MBA, Argyle-Lipman School of Business and Business, 1995, B.F.A. Julieyard, 1990.

    Computer Skills:
    Word Perfect, Lotus 1-2-3, DOS, Donkey Kong, Frogger, BetaMax, Z Channel Cable Box.

    Other Skills and Stuff:
    Morally righteous multi-tasker with diversified experience cultivating geocentric relationships. Outstanding judgment, persecution and team building skills. People follow my orders, or lives are lost.

    Recent Articles

    Biden "Out-Bumpkins" Palin Heterosexuals Demand Equal Attention Justice O'Connor Publishes Controversial Resignation Letter MBA Sues Over Useless Education Man Hospitalized After Bikers Show Him What Love Is President Fingers Wife for Porn Job
    All articles by Michael Gantman



    Bookmark | Comment | Print | Send to a friend

  •  
    Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently.Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin