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Muslim Man Exploits Ramadan Loophole, Gets Out of Fasting
Nov 3 2003 by Allen Voivod
Ramadan is the holiest month of the year in the Islamic religion, during which Muslims over the age of 12 show their dedication to Allah and sympathy for the poor by fasting during daylight hours. However, Shahid Imam, an obese, self-proclaimed "devout worshipper of Allah within reason," has virtually eliminated the need to fast by taking up temporary residence in Thule, Greenland during this, the 9th month of the Islamic calendar.
"Yah, I tried staying in Barrow, Alaska during Ramadan for a couple years, but I'd still get hungry before the 7 or so hours of daylight were up," Imam, whose given name is Baxter Loxley III, told DeadBrain. "Living in Thule, I buy myself another half-hour of darkness, and being 345 pounds, I need all the chow time I can get. Last year, my first year in this Allah-forsaken tundra, I actually gained 28 pounds during Ramadan. There's a Domino's down the street, and by the end of the month, they knew enough just to show up with two large pies one minute before sunset every day."
Fellow Muslims aren't too certain whether they agree with Imam's tactics. Farouk al-Farouk of the Islamic Society of North America contends, "I am delighted that brother Shahid has dedicated his life to Allah, but I somehow get the feeling Mohammed himself would agree that he is cheating."
Imam, however, feels no remorse for his perennial migration: "The Qur'an says 'fast during daylight hours.' Am I doing just that? Damn straight I am. In fact, I've stirred up enough quiet interest amongst some of my brethren that I'm opening up my own B&B here next year. Let those other suckers starve themselves."
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