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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen |
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| You have fallen over: Home > Global News | November 18th |
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ABC Adds Ashcroft, Hitler, Kazan's Corpse to "Monday Night Football" Nov 12 2003 by Ryan Moore And now for the exciting conclusion to our Monday Night Football transcript! JOHN MADDEN: Alright, the game's underway, the Packers offense going up against the Eagles defense, led by fearsome linebacker Mark Simoneau. ADOLF HITLER: Ja, Simoneau is the Aryan superman! He cannot be stopped! JM: There's a fumble by the Packers and Simoneau picks it up - he's running towards the Packer endzone! AH: Ja ja ja!! Simoneau and Paris Hilton will breed a race of supermen that will rule for a thousand years! JM: Wait a minute - Simoneau has penetrated deep into Packer territory, but now it seems like the frozen conditions of Lambeau Field are too much for him! The Slavic horde of the Packers offensive line has him surrounded and he collapses on the ice! The Packers pick up the ball, and run it back, all the way into the heartland of the mighty Eagles! AH: Nein! It's all happening again!! [sound of gunshot off-screen] JM: BAM! How 'bout that? Now let's throw it back down to Elia's corpse! CORPSE OF ELIA KAZAN: I hold in my right hand a list of names. There are over 300 shower pee-ers in the NFL. They are a menace to our good democratic game of football and must be stopped! JM: That's all the time we have for tonight! Who's on next week, John? JOHN ASHCROFT: The New England Patriots. JM: Against who? JA: The Patriots will be unopposed. JM: What do you mean unopposed? One team takes one point of view, someone else opposes them, and they fight it out - that's the American way! JA: Not anymore, John. JM: But where will the 31 other NFL teams be? JA: If you don't see or hear from your home team for a while, don't be alarmed - they'll be playing an [clears throat] untelevised exhibition. In Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. JM: How 'bout that? BAM! JA: This is your last warning about that.
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