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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Dick Cheney |
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| You are misplaced along with: Home > Global News | September 3rd |
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 In Biggest Vocal Gaffe Yet, Bush Promises Troops "Home by Christmas" Dec 23 2003 by Andy Grainger President Bush made the announcement during a surprise visit at Fox affiliate WHOR-TV's Christmas party, delighting a large crowd of fawning sycophants. Since his triumphal Thanksgiving visit to Iraq and the capture of Saddam Hussein, he has been popping up all over the country. "Yep, I think it will be Mission Accomplished any day now. Just a bit of mopping up to do, then it's turkey and presents back home by the Christmas tree." When asked by reporters whether this meant the war was over, President Bush spilled some of his eggnog and said, "God bless America and Freedom! Don't take any wooden nickels!" There was a brief scuffle as White House staffers pushed through the crowd and shouted at Secret Service agents to "Shoot the crazy SOB!" before they got to the stage and subdued the weaving Commander in Chief. Bush waved to the cheering throng as he was led out, his voice muffled by shortbreads. White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan then stepped up to the microphone and made some clarifying remarks. "The President didn’t mean this Christmas, of course," he chuckled, "so don't you guys go taking that out of context. Say, how about some more eggnog...how good is that stuff?" A press release issued later announced the President was suffering from a 'minor cold' and would spend the next few days at his ranch. Related Articles Bush Testicles "Not Steel," Claims Source Dec 19 2003 Routine Iraqi Carjacking Results In Army's Overwhelming Use of Force, Death of Cat Dec 17 2003 Britney Spears "Gigantically Relieved" at Hussein's Capture; Shares Passion Dec 16 2003 Exclusive: Condi and Colin Speaking Secret Language Dec 11 2003 Russia's Kyoto Rejection Causes Chain Reaction of Treaty Withdrawals to BC Era Dec 10 2003 Dick's Big Break: Cheney Named Benevolent Dictator of Iraq 4 Dec 2003
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