Rush Limbaugh Calls for Public Execution of Drug Users
Dec 24 2003 by Andy Grainger
Speaking from his mansion today, with his lawyer present, Rush Limbaugh called for all drug addicts to be publicly executed.
"It's the only way to stop this scourge from infecting America," he said. "If there were no drug users, the dealers would be out of business. Am I right?"
Mr. Limbaugh went on to point out that upper income people should be exempt, since they don't have to rob and skulk around to feed their habits.
"Say, for example, a rich white talk-radio host isn't going to knock over a liquor store, is he? He just needs a little help with back pain!" he boomed. "Now folks, that's not the same as some inner-city kid stealing to buy crack, is it? He's dangerous!"
"Plus, I've heard that maids will buy drugs illegally sometimes and just leave them lying around...that bitch. Next thing you know, there's a liberal conspiracy to ruin a good man's career!" He appeared to notice his hands were shaking badly and put them in his pockets. The lawyer coughed loudly.
Mr. Limbaugh then ended the news conference, saying, "Okay, I've 'fessed up to a problem with pain, and now it's under control. Got a bit of hearing loss too, but nobody worried about that, did they? Now let's just keep my medical records closed and forget the whole thing ever happened." He then turned to his muttering lawyer and barked, "Hey! Did Juanita get back from the store yet?"