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| You have been drawn towards: Home > Global News | March 12th |
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 With Saddam Gone, Iraqi Looting REALLY Takes Off! Dec 30 2003 by Andy Grainger Happy Iraqis celebrated the capture of Saddam Hussein by blowing up a police station and attacking an American supply train – and that was just the beginning! DeadBrain spoke with some of the joyful people: "We are glad he is finally gone," shouted one man, as he carried a box of Moon Pies off a burning freight car. "Now we can really go nuts!" Another threw down cases of Vanilla Coke, saying, "The guy was a wet blanket. His cops used to freak out when we did stuff like this. Holy Allah, those Mars Bars really burn when they get going!" The men ran off into the neighboring slum as US attack helicopters arrived and began to strafe the area indiscriminately, wounding our interpreter and two stray dogs. While diving for cover, I asked a local woman how she felt about Saddam's end. "It sure is great...do you know when the water is going to come back on? We could use it down at the hospital," she replied, firing a missile at a wildly dodging chopper. The rest of her statement was lost in the roar of battle, and our crew decided to go back to the hotel for a bit and interview each other. We accepted the surrender of half a dozen new Iraqi soldiers on the way and treated them to lunch. They seemed like good kids...bit skinny, though. In Washington, it was rumored that President George W. Bush watched an 'uncut' video of Saddam’s cavity search with a few close friends. Muffled hooting and cheers could be heard outside the White House screening room. Later, President Bush spoke with reporters. "Today, Evil Man is defeated. Who's your Daddy? We got 'im!" He did a little 'happy dance' and finished the briefing by saying "It's apple pie Jesus freedom day! Trix are for kids! Remember the Alamo!" In other news, the Republican-controlled Senate has cancelled the 2004 election, saying there was "really no point." Related Articles Bush Hails CIA Coup In Ottawa Dec 27 2003 In Biggest Vocal Gaffe Yet, Bush Promises Troops "Home by Christmas" Dec 23 2003 Bush Testicles "Not Steel," Claims Source Dec 19 2003 Routine Iraqi Carjacking Results In Army's Overwhelming Use of Force, Death of Cat Dec 17 2003 Britney Spears "Gigantically Relieved" at Hussein's Capture; Shares Passion Dec 16 2003 Exclusive: Condi and Colin Speaking Secret Language Dec 11 2003
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