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Like Everything Else, Mad Cow Now Blamed on Canada
Jan 2 2004 by Andy Grainger
Days after a case of 'Mad Cow' was discovered in this country, it has become apparent that it was all Canada's fault. After a detailed and private inspection, the infected cow was discovered to have a 'Born in Alberta' tag on its ear.
"I don't know why we didn't see it before," exclaimed FDA spokesman Mark Queensbury. "Just one of those things, I guess."
In response to the news, President Bush ordered the border closed to Canadian beef, maple syrup, and any products that might compete with those made by Vice President Cheney's interests, just to be sure. Also, elements of the Air Force strafed several herds of cattle that had gotten near the American border.
Local farmers in North Dakota complained that three goat farms and a day care center were also destroyed at the same time by "jet fighters." When asked about the coincidence, USAF sources replied "YEEEEEEEHAAA!"
In Ottawa, American Ambassador Paul (Little Paulie) Cellucci spoke for the new Canadian Prime Minister: "From now on, da PM will go 'long wit Mr. Bush, nowhaddimeen? He's a good guy, dat Martin guy."
In addition, over a hundred overweight Quebec tourists were detained while wearing Speedos on a beach near Miami. Florida State Police, working with the Department of Homeland Security, said they were "aiding terrorism and setting a bad example for patriotic Americans. Plus, it was really gross."
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