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| You are puzzled to find: Home > News | October 11th |
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 Bush Makes It Crystal Clear Why We Attacked Iraq - Because There Was Tomfoolery Afoot!Jan 25 2004 by Andy Grainger
In his pre-election State of the Union Address, President Bush clarified the main reasons for occupying Iraq. Saddam Hussein had suspected "weapons of mass destruction-related program activities" (WMDRPA). They were all over the place. Any day now, proof of some sort of potentially dangerous activity is bound to turn up. There is talk that many of his henchmen were running with scissors, and tomfoolery was rampant. It now seems the wily Saddam made it appear as though he had no WMDs through the cunning ruse of not having any. This in itself is "an irrefutable material breach of 1441 - and open-and-shut vindication of the U.S. decision to disarm Saddam by force," as true-patriot columnist Charles Krauthammer of the Washington Post pointed out. "Weak-kneed liberals and French-kissing sissies will now whine that he was not armed, but that is no defense," Krauthammer continued. "There is ample reason to believe that he was thinking about looking into talking to someone who knew someone's brother-in-law who could hook him up with a plan to get armed." While WMDs are usually really, really big, Potential Activity Plans (PAP) are teensy. Teensy but deadly. In fact, David Kay, lead scientist of the Iraq Survey Group (ISG) says, "Even the bulkiest materials can be concealed in spaces not much larger than a two-car garage...but if you had big factories and stuff, and time...and magic 'inviso' dust to keep it all secret...you could probably use those plans to build, like, totally awesome WMDs of some sort." All seventeen two-car garages in Iraq are being levelled today, just to be sure they don't contain any PAPs. The ISG has been reduced from 1,200 personnel to Kay's buddies Chuck and Alvin, but they're going to keep looking. State Department officials refused to comment on the President's address, except to cover their ears and chant "LaLaLaLaLaLa...I can't hear you!" Next week: Iraq…a people, a nation, or 20 million potential organ donors? Related Articles Airlines Turn Over Mile-High Club Passenger Data to Federal Government Jan 19 2004 DeadBrain, at US Army's Request, Reports on Iraq's Shiny, Happy People Jan 13 2004 Terrorist Almanac Reader Cell Busted Jan 10 2004 Media in Iraq Ordered to Report from Army News Handouts Only or Be Shot Jan 7 2004 Exclusive: Bush Foreign Policy Based on Lousy Star Wars Script Jan 3 2004 Exclusive: Bush Foreign Policy Based on Lousy Star Wars Movie Script Jan 3 2004
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