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| You are humming to the tune of: Home > News | October 12th |
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 Halliburton's New Profit Scheme: Mugging Soldiers on the StreetFeb 5 2004 by Chuck Terzella
The Pentagon has issued a statement saying it was investigating its major supplier again, this time for over-billing the government $16 million for meals it never served the troops. This comes on the heels of both the investigation of $61 million in gasoline overcharges and the admission that two company officials accepted $6.3 million in kickbacks for helping certain subcontractors get their bids approved.The Halliburton Company has issued a statement saying it was getting tired of trying to find new and unique ways to bilk the government out of as much money as it can, therefore it's turning to out and out robbery. Already, several soldiers serving in Tikrit have reported being mugged by Halliburton employees, having had their weapons and spare cash stolen. "It's really crazy out here," said Pfc. H. Elpme. "One minute we're worried about al-Qaeda, the next minute we're getting our sh** stolen by these Halliburton thugs. Between you and me, I'll take al-Qaeda any day. These Halliburton guys are ruthless." Halliburton has issued a statement saying, "Look, some of the boys got a little out of hand out there. That sort of thing can happen when your company tells you if you don't meet your quota of illegal profits you're gonna get canned. But we never meant to have our employees actually mugging ground troops. What we were looking for was a more sophisticated series of high-jacks, break-ins and smash and grabs. We never meant to leave regular grunts unarmed. After all, you can't really make any money on selling guns in Iraq - there's too many there, so the return doesn't justify the time spent in stealing them." Vice President Dick Cheney was quoted as saying, "You gotta give the boys credit for initiative. After all, money is money...with a hundred fifty thousand troops there, if you can steal one hundred dollars from each one, you can almost make enough to pay my severance package for a year." Related Articles Bush's Intelligence, Memory Lapses Now Under Investigation Feb 4 2004 Bush and Blair Discuss Short-Hair Removal as Punishment for Saddam Feb 2 2004 Bush Makes It Crystal Clear Why We Attacked Iraq - Because There Was Tomfoolery Afoot! Jan 25 2004 Airlines Turn Over Mile-High Club Passenger Data to Federal Government Jan 19 2004 DeadBrain, at US Army's Request, Reports on Iraq's Shiny, Happy People Jan 13 2004 Terrorist Almanac Reader Cell Busted Jan 10 2004
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