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|You smell better than: Home > News||May 25th|
Canadian Prime Minister Removed; Bush Looks Forward to "Bison-Riding"
Mar 9 2004 by Andy GraingerThe DeadBrain Canadian News Team, which consists of Bob 'Robert' McDonald and his cousin Rick, was returning from Karaoke Night at Fatty Patty's when they ran across a drunken Mountie throwing up on their car in the parking lot. He told them this story...
It seems that last week, Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin had requested that he be removed from power, much like Haitian ex-President Aristide. Mr. Martin had been unable to quell guerrilla movements, such as the Toronto Maple Leaf Liberation Front and the Al Canuck terrorist organization, headed by Osama bin Leveque, since being installed into power by the CIA.
He also invited troops from Japan and Britain to help the US forces already in Canada secure the capital city and the Albertan oil fields. Mr. Martin then insisted he be flown to Uzbekistan for his own security. Paul Bremer will shuttle between Baghdad and Ottawa until a provisional government can be formed.
Stephen 'Weasel' Harper, of the Reform/Alliance Party, renamed the Conservative Party, has again renamed it the 'Reformed Halliburton Republican Party' and expressed his desire to work with the Americans "any way I can...any way at all."
Stock footage of Martin speaking in the Canadian Parliament is being played on TV, and the radio airwaves carry only Celine Dion singing 'Stars and Stripes Forever.' Most Canadians remain unaware of the situation, as the Stanley Cup hockey playoffs are just around the corner.
President Bush praised Mr. Martin for making the decision to step down, saying it would lead to "bigger democratic stuff," and expressing his wish to someday "ride a bison in a free Canada."
In other news, Mexican President Vincente Fox denied Washington reports that he is also requesting asylum in Uzbekistan, and a roadside bomb wounded two US soldiers lined up at a Tim Horton's in Toronto.
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