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| You feel threatened by: Home > News | March 12th |
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 America's Unemployed Linked to Al-QaedaAug 16 2004 by John Hetherington
The announcement follows news that growth in the job market had slowed, which found some Americans, including Democratic presidential hopeful John Kerry, bemoaning President Bush's performance. "While some claim that President Bush isn't doing enough to improve the job market, he is in fact doing everything in his power to prevent another terrorist attack," Ridge said at a hastily staged emergency news conference and luncheon. Ridge said the Administration believes the unemployed only want jobs to fund terrorist attacks. "If these people were not looking for work, al-Qaeda would lack funding and the economy would be soaring with zero unemployment." This insidious plot knows no boundaries. As Ridge explained, "These individuals may appear to be just like you and me, but in every case the unemployed are al-Qaeda operatives who would like nothing more than to rip the spleen from your body." Ridge concluded that it was up to "every American" to join the fight against al-Qaeda. Ridge's announcement has already had an effect on the Bush Administration's ongoing War on Terror as patriotic American workers join forces to fight the unemployed terrorist threat. In Columbus, Ohio a group of secretaries at a graphic design firm brutally attacked and killed Cindy Treblebloom, a 22 year-old unemployed college graduate who had recently applied for an administrative assistant position. "We knew what kind of havoc she'd wreak if she got inside," said one member of the murderous mob of secretaries. "An administrative assistant is a powerful position and we do work in graphic design, after all." Elsewhere, Ridge's announcement came as a shock to unemployed single mother of three Peggy Willabeemer. "I just had no idea that I was such a monster, oh God!" Ms. Willabeemer later drove her car into a ravine, killing herself and scoring another victory for the Bush Administration's War on Terror. Ridge applauded news of the incidents but cautioned Americans that the battle was only beginning. Related Articles Homeland Security: "Gettysburg, Vicksburg, Pearl Harbor Are Potential Terrorist Targets" Aug 8 2004
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Jul 25 2004
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Jul 5 2004
FBI Adds Marlon Brando, Britney Spears, Fruity Pebbles to Watch List
Jul 3 2004
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