Unprecedented Survey Result: 100% Would Vote for Bush

45 - voted for Bush to serve his AWOL time in Najaf.
23 - voted for Bush to be president of their Girl Scout chapter (results from a conference call).
15 - voted for Bush to go back to Texas and take Rumsfeld with him.
14 - voted for Bush to spend less time on his ranch and more time at a community college taking public speaking courses.
3 - voted for Bush to be re-elected as President.

67 - said they would vote for Kerry to become the next President.
14 - said they would vote for Kerry as long as he stops doing that stupid thumb gesture.
10 - said they would not vote for Kerry because he is a flip-flopper, but eight of these people changed their minds before the phone call was ended.
7 - said they would vote for Kerry to become President, but these votes were thrown out by former Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris.
2 - said they would consider voting for Kerry if they knew more about her.

129 - told us to [expletive deleted] off.
41 - just hung up.
29 - ordered us to put them on the National 'Do Not Call' Registry.
1 - a thud was heard, then "That was my skull!! I'm so wasted!"