| |
The Emperor's New Clothes
For the second time, our DeadBrain reporter ran into Scott McClellan, the White House Press Secretary, at a pub in Washington D.C. Did Scott get drunk again? Yeah! (And here's a link to our report on the first such incident.
"Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling..."
Our reporter bought Scott another gin-and-tonic and disrupted his focus. Scott stopped singing and started talking.
"I can tell you that when Bush came back from his trip to Canada, all his suits were ruined. I thought it was from heavy rains, but those who accompanied him said it was from unrelenting spit. Everyone spat on him. I'm not kidding! Even the Canadian Prime Minister spewed Bush whenever his back was turned.
"To replace the contaminated suits, his tailor, Georges de Paris, created at Bush's orders breakaway business suits. You remember Georges, don't you? He's the guy who tried to dismiss the rectangular tumor on Bush's back (seen during the debates) as 'merely a pucker of the jacket's seam that rose when the President crossed his arms.' Because of that, I now call Mr. de Paris 'The Tentmaker'.
"Under the new breakaway suits, Bush wears his Air National Guard flight suit. People wonder why Bush is sweatin' all the time. It's not the stage lights or the stress. It's too many clothes.
"I'm so weary of Dubya playin' the military superhero! Last week, during dinner, the cook came out of the kitchen holding a jar of Spanish olives with a stuck lid. She handed the jar to the butler in the dining room. Bush looked up and said, 'I'll handle this!'
"He yanked off his business suit, revealing his tight flight suit. He bounded toward the table, snatched the jar, and undid the lid with so much force, the olives and the yucky green liquid showered the First Lady and the twins.
"And yesterday, Bush's dog Barney peed on Cheney's leg and sprinted toward the wheels of a speeding limo. Bush tore off his business suit, leapt toward the dog, and missed. Barney ran between the limo's wheels and was unharmed, but Bush wasn't so lucky. His head collided with the grill. Brain damage? Not significant."
|
|
