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| You are puzzled to find: Home > News | May 24th |
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 U.S. Hopes to Thwart Cross-Dressing Suicide BombersDec 27 2004 by Greg Kuhl
But the government warns that scientists with terrorist leanings and sympathies may be working on a secret project to determine exactly how many explosives can be crammed between a female suicide bomber's breasts. "We're hoping that it won't be enough to bring down a 747, but you never know," said one U.S. government source, who asked not to be identified. "If they find, say, a retired shotputter from the old Soviet Union - male or female - willing to join the cause, it could be catastrophic." The official said intelligence chatter indicated terrorist groups were ecstatic that the U.S. government, responding to complaints from female passengers, decided to have airport screeners stop checking between women's breasts for bombs. "We know that the terrorists even put ads in newspapers in Riyadh, Islamabad and Kabul, seeking women with large breasts and men who were willing to become cross-dressers - all for the cause," the official said. "What we don't know is how many responses they got. We hope that the generally lousy way women are treated in those places will keep the numbers of sympathizers down. But it's hard to say." The official also said the Bush Administration is worried that women with breast implants, such as Hollywood actresses, for instance, might be recruited as potential suicide bombers. "You get some bimbo, airhead actress with large breast implants who might not know al-Qaeda from Al Gore, and she could be more than willing to stash some explosives," the official said. "Obviously, we're still working on the problem and trying to cover all the bases." The official said there was also widespread dissatisfaction for the new edict among employees and passengers who relied on the pat-downs as a source of enjoyment. "But those people," the official said with a laugh, "are in the vast minority." Related Articles Rubber-Stamp Scandal Draws "Time-Out" For Rumsfeld Dec 21 2004
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