Barbie's Tearful Plea to State Department: "Bring Cody Home"

Today, Barbie® issued a plea to the State Department: Negotiate the release of my boyfriend, Special Ops Cody.

Cody was pictured being held hostage on an Islamist website earlier this week.

Cody's company commander, G.I. Joe Team Leader Conrad "Duke" Hauser, said that he is, indeed missing. "He was on a mission in Baghdad when he didn't report back to us. We feared the worst, but at least we know he's still alive," said Hauser. He added, "If he's alive, we'll get him. We're the good guys and they're the bad guys. The job of the good guys is to put the bad guys out of business. Yo, Joe!"

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said that they will "move heaven and earth" to return the little soldier to his family.

Barbie®, reached at her Malibu Beach House, said that she is very worried for Cody's safety. "We know what they do over there. It may not be so easy to reattach his head if the little knob is broken. You may have to separate his entire torso and snap it back tight, which never works." She sobbed briefly. "Please, bring him home in at least two pieces!"

Neither Hauser nor any of his squad would be too specific with the details of the planned rescue operation, but it is believed that tiny tanks and helicopters will be involved.

DeadBrain hastens to add that we find the people at Mattel and Hasbro listed in no particular order but especially considering all of the talented folks in their respective Legal Departments, to be warm, congenial and generous folk imbued with unmatched senses of humor and the pleasant scent of pine needles on a brisk November wind.

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