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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Donald Rumsfeld |
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| You are disappointed to see: Home > News | March 12th |
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Johnnie Cochran Makes a Splash in the Ghoul PoolApr 2 2005 by Greg Kuhl
"Wow, Cochran really caught us off guard," said bookie Luc Wolfgang Davis. "The Pope and Terri Schiavo were prohibitive favorites to go next, and bettors had millions and millions riding on them." But Cochran, the flamboyant defense lawyer perhaps most famous for getting O.J. Simpson off the hook on two murder charges, came out of nowhere and died first. "It was a tremendous upset, along the lines of Bucknell beating Kansas, and Vermont defeating Syracuse in the NCAA basketball tournament," Davis said. "It was so far off the table that the odds were more than a million to one. Shocking and astounding, even if he had been sick." Davis said it was unlikely that there was even any money on Cochran, so it's unlikely that the Vegas sports books will lose any cash. "Just before Cochran died, there was a large amount of money bet on Jerry Falwell," Davis said. "His odds of dying went up dramatically with the reports that he was in critical condition." Another bettors' favorite was "anybody living in Indonesia" - where two major earthquakes in three months rattled the region. Large amounts of cash have also been placed on "any Iraqi police officer," Davis said. But Davis said it's become hard to handicap who might join the Pope and Schiavo in the pool's Final Four, or if it's wide open. "Cochran's death showed that it could be anybody," Davis said. "Just because it looks like somebody's gonna go doesn't mean they will. Hey, some healthy football player could get hit by a bus. Or a baseball player could explode from all the steroids and human growth hormones. Just kidding, I think. "I'd have to check, but I think O.J. Simpson had better odds of going than Cochran," Davis said. "Or maybe that was just my fantasy." Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!
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