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  Homes and Gardens

Inside Homeland Homes and Gardens – And the Mind of a Style Czar

The DHHG Terror Alert: Humongazoid TV Screens

What is the Department of Homeland Homes and Gardens? This new bureau has the daunting task of fighting the terror of home décor. Headed by Secretary Kenneth H. Kenneth, the upstart agency hit the ground running. Quickly assembling a crack team of designers and style consultants, Kenneth's first priority was finding the perfect home for his department.

Eschewing traditional Washingtonian locations, Kenneth moved into an abandoned warehouse which he promptly gutted and restored. The design divo describes the results. "It's a modern expression of mid-century sensibilities incorporating a subtle artisanal influence which, combined with the more straight ahead directional approach, negates the intellectual, evoking an emotional response to pure form coupled with a generational understanding of subtle cultural references." When asked what that means, Kenneth smiles. "Welcome to Washington."

When first entering the DHHG, you are confronted with a lobby that soars three stories overhead. "The feeling is one of hope," explains Kenneth. "That will quickly change, as the visitor ventures deeper into the building, and into the governmental process." Passing through a peach-colored metal detector (peach is a calming color), you enter a round conversation room, with low slung couches arranged in cozy groupings. "It looks fantastic, but it's really quite uncomfortable. We don't want people to linger." Leaving this area, visitors travel down one of the six unmarked hallways with no receptionist to point the way.

Explains Kenneth, "The unmarked hallways reflect the unexpected nature of life. If 9/11 taught us nothing else, it showed us the symbolic importance of architecture. A building is the people inside, but it is also a structure. I'm interested in the meaning of the structure. We don't have a roadmap for reality, so why should our living and work spaces be defined? Sometimes you think you want to go somewhere, but you end up somewhere else. And that's very exciting. Except if you're late for an appointment, in which case you should have planned ahead."

And so, this is the DHHG. A man and his building. And a whole lotta style. You're looking good, DHHG. You're looking good.


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